Is it just with me, or others too feel that way... being physical is not enjoyable everytime...not with a different person everytime, and certainly not with same person again and again. Just winded up one so early today, just hated it, the urge before is unexplainable, but the after experience is something of being raped... somethings are beyond words...

he came and we drank and then he bought a ipod for another girl. he did not find anything new in me this time. i went dry the whole of last month. it wasn't that bad, but yes, not to be with someone, for the occasional closeness was tough! i walked all the way to another friend's place and we went out and talked about things happeneing in our lives. at night, he seduced me in his innocence. what a man he is what a lad i must say... she came with her grandson who was dressed in the most exotic outfit, fit and tight and revealing more that my eyes could hold. i couldn't wait and it was easy to engage him in sweet talks. with her gone, and he and me alone, i gave him a chance. he was shy, i wasn't. i had this sudden urge in the morning and i cared less for anything other than feeling his... i like dark skin and soft contors...

I have this sudden urge to strip naked, go and stand outside. Not care about who sees me in all my nudity. I want to do that. I want to live a life without anything to hide. I visualized I am with him, on top of him, and enjoying the touch of his hand on my naked body. I am running towards him to hug him, and he is unaware of my thoughts. I get up with stiffness. I think of calling him and telling him this is what I want to do with him. This is what I did with him once. This is what he told me he has not thought about it since that day. I miss my yesterday…

yesterday...

Yesterday, All my troubles seemed so far away, Now it looks as though they're here to stay, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be, There's a shadow hanging over me, Oh, yesterday came suddenly. Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play, Now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play, Now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

yesterday once more...

Beautiful song by Carpenters... When I was young I'd listened to the radio Waitin' for my favorite songs Waiting they played I'd sing along It made me smile Those were such happy times And not so long ago How I wondered where they'd gone But they're back again Just like a long lost friend All the songs I loved so well Every sha-la-la-la Every wo-wo-wo Still shines Every shing-a-ling-a-ling That they're starting to sing�s So fine When they get to the part Where he's breaking her heart It can really make me cry Just like before It's yesterday once more Looking back on how it was In years gone by And the good times that I had Makes today seem rather sad So much has changed It was songs of love that I would sing to then And I'd memorize each word Those old melodies Still sound so good to me As they melt the years away All my best memories Come back clearly to me Some can even make me cry Just like before It's yesterday once more

why this?

i don't know the answer. i seriously don't. i want to write everything and anything i want to. with no inhibititions, no readers, and no followers - just me and my thoughts... have been thinking a lot since ages - weired, happy, scary thoughts...want to document them now. and that too whenever i feel like.